When trolling through the Internet, sometimes you see something that boggles the mind to the point that you say, “I simply have to experience the place that produced such absurdity.” Such is the case with Muscle March, which is apparently a new game being released for the Wii exclusively in Japan.

From the country that brought us such pop-culture absurdities as Silent Library and tentacle rape, comes a video game that defies all explanation. The premise appears to be that a man in a football uniform has stolen a container of…something…that leads to various muscle bound, and scantily clad, men (and one Polar Bear) to chasing him through the city, breaking through walls in various body-building poses. Take a moment to reflect on that, as I did. First of all, there is the inclusion of the Polar Bear. Why? What does that have to do with muscle men? Then, there’s the guy dressed up in a bikini, including top. Where does he fit in with the guy dressed up like The Tick? These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

Now factor in that the Wii is, at least in America, being marketed to children and old women with arthritis, the question becomes why our children need a video game like this. Certainly the old women will benefit from staring at the marblesque buttocks, almost as much as they have since the invention of Viagra, but what is the lesson for the kids? Don’t steal shit from oiled up men striking poses or you will be tackled? I’m at a loss, here, people. All I really know is that ever since I’ve seen this trailer all I’ve wanted to do is to visit the country responsible for bringing such an odd piece of entertainment into the world.  I don’t actually want to play the game, mind, I just want to know what it’s like to be surrounded by an entire country of citizens that is completely bug-f*ck crazy.

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